Life Lessons: Grief


If you would have asked me six months ago what grief means I would have given you some vague shallow answer because then I did not quite know what it was. My only images of grief at that time were from tear jerker movies and when my 79 year old grandpa died when I was 14.


December 14, 2017 changed a lot for me. In fact in changed my whole world. I remember wondering why my mom was calling me at 5AM. Just so you know I hate mornings, so I answered in a groggy and sleepy tone, probably still in a daze from one of my dreams the previous night.


“Your Dad isn’t breathing. The ambulance is on the way.”


I hung up the phone and went downstairs. I did not really know what to do so I thought about taking the kids to school. Wait, that didn’t make sense I have to go see if he’s okay! So I rush to put some clothes on and leave the kids with their Dad.


Long story short he passed away in his sleep. He was only 52 but he had a massive brain bleed from a stroke 4 months earlier leaving him bed ridden and dependent on the very family he created. Following this stroke he also had heat failure and a multitude of other health issues.


First it HITS you. Smacked in your face with the reality that someone you spent your whole life with is gone. Just like that. I mean I knew one day my dad would die. I just thought he would be older and get to walk me down the isle and all the things adult daughters do with their fathers. At least I got to take care of him! Next I was numb. I knew what had happened and I knew the condition he was in. That was my defense mechanism. LOGIC. Logic tells me all the medical terms I was taught in nursing school, all the patients I’ve taken care of, and the death I had seen in those facilities.


BUT logic couldn’t prepare me for my drive home from school, going past the hospital he was in for 3 months, or for the times I can hear his voice in my head telling me he’s proud. Logic didn’t prepare me for the conversations I had with my toddlers on why their favorite person was gone a little bit too soon.


So I learned something new. I learned how to grieve. I learned how to take old happy memories and turn them into motivation to do and be better. I learned not to rely on myself for understanding but to look at the word written in the Holy Book. I learned that it was okay not to be okay as long as tomorrow you wake up and can still see the beauty in everything. I also learned that flesh must die, but love and memories don’t. I was grateful for this new understanding I had on life.


still get the urge to text him when something good happens. Sometimes I pick up my phone and wonder why he hasn’t texted me in a while, then I remember. I see him when I looked in the mirror, when I look at my kids and when I go past anywhere he’s been. Honestly I like that. I like the subtle reminders that he was here. Because sometimes he seems to distant. So I’ll look at old photos and try to reach a memory from years ago when we’d throw the football together.


Anyway, I hope this helps you. I hope that you get the strength and clarity to be thankful for times you shared with loved ones. I hope you don’t choose to forget them, honor them in your actions and carry their memories with you always. I hope you go by their favorite spot and joy and happiness cross your face as you remember your loved ones. Don’t let this eat you alive. It is a beautiful thing to know our lives are this precious, so cherish everyone you know, cherish and do a cheers to old times and take lots of photos! Know that they really are with you everywhere you go. Just know you have to let them go and live your life the way they’d want you to.









Growing Pains


Being uncomfortable builds character, integrity, endurance and strength. It’s more than okay to not have what you want all the time. It’s okay to feel pain and all the different emotions and problems that come with life. These instances make us who we are. These circumstances make us stronger.




It’s okay to STRUGGLE. This builds perseverance. You can’t get what you want all the time, and you shouldn’t. The times in life where we’re uncomfortable and really have to think and plan for a way to come out on top makes us better people.


Take a deep breath and LEARN from this circumstance. Whatever it may be there is a lesson to be learned, a take away to carry with you always. Life isn’t a sprint it’s a marathon. That’s what my dad would always say.


Sometimes the worst parts of life bring forth the greatest and most true form of beauty. It’s at these times that we learn about LOVE, HAPPINESS, THANKFULNESS, STRENGTH AND STABILITY. We learn things about ourselves and the people around us that we never knew before.


This will shape us for the rest of our lives. We’ll have new lessons to share with the world and a little more insight on what it is to live a humble but great existence.


Find a reason to thrive in any and everything you encounter. Find beauty in places that it seems it cannot survive or thrive. Remember that everything is only temporary including happiness and pain. Life is only temporary. If we search for life lessons in everything around us it gives us PURPOSE. A reason to be who we are.


GROWTH doesn’t happen when we’re content and comfortable. Growth happens when we are faced with uncertainty, and really cannot see a clear path to take. Train yourself to not complain or be afraid of the unknown. Teach yourself patience and learn how to have hope. Make the best of today so that tomorrow WILL be better.

Later Never Comes

Life Writes with Tiffany


Are you one of those people who says “Oh I’ll just do this later” or “Now isn’t the right time”. I admit sometimes I use those excuses when I shouldn’t. Honestly no one should because guess what? Later may NEVER COME. We only have one life to live and if we hold everything off until the time is “right” then our dreams, goals, and aspirations will never happen.

The whole concept of holding anything off until the time is “right” is bogus because the time will NEVER be right and you’ll be stuck making endless excuses to defend the excuse that the time is not right. We don’t plan everything in our lives, I mean hell we don’t really plan much of anything in our lives. Life just sort of happens, but that’s the beauty of it.

Some people hold off on finishing their degree, going on that vacation, charity…

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Be The Light

The world is filled with too much darkness, too much hate and confusion and not enough love.


Be the light in the midst of all the dark, your smile may change someone’s day.

Be kind always. Even when people aren’t kind to you. Maybe they’ve had a bad day or are going through tough times. They could be fighting a war you know nothing about. Show them the mercy that you would want shown to you.

When light shines darkness cannot prevail. It immediately withdraws from where it came.

Don’t be fooled. Being the light doesn’t mean that you’re tolerant or afraid to stand up for what’s right.

Imagine your room dark, you can’t see a thing but the moment you flick the switch your light comes on, BOLD, without hesitation.

With truth and light you have nothing to fear.

Carry it with you always, truth that is. You never know who could use it. You never know who’s lost or confused awaiting the day for someone to bring light, truth and love in their life.

– T.

Me Too. 

Warning! What you’re about to read may be graphic and if you do not do well with trauma beware.. 

This is my story. 

It was May and I was 13 years old. I was in detention, I forget why. We were in a classroom I was with 3 other boys who were my age at the time. 

While we were in the classroom they kept messing with me. Trying to touch or “feel” on me. Maybe it was funny at first and I did not feel as if I was in danger but I was starting to become annoyed. 

I would move their hands, tell them to leave me alone. “You Know we’re just joking Tiff”. Yeah I knew that right. But I was still super uncomfortable. Especially since I had no interest in any of them. Boys will be boys right? 
They apologized while we were in the classroom. I don’t remember how or why but we all ended up walking down the hallway together. Talking, being middle schoolers. We slowly approach the boys restroom. I didn’t think anything of it. One of them said they were going to the bathroom. I walked on, all of a sudden there are hands on either sides of my arms grabbing me. I was caught off guard so I couldn’t quite get loose as I was pulled into the bathroom. At this point I’m confused. What do they think they’re doing exactly? 

The first guy who went to the bathroom starts to pull his pants down. I’m sure you can figure out what he started to do from there. As the other two grab at my pants to try and get them down, my hands are locked at my pants line hanging onto my pants line and belt loops with everything I’ve got. 

This persisted for what felt like forever. I guess I’ll never really know how long I was in that stance. I was an athletic girl. Stronger than most boys and girls so I knew that they wouldn’t succeed in getting my pants down. I was not scared because I knew the second my hand slipped or they got an advantage everyone was gonna get punched, or kicked. If I had to I was ready to fight. 

At this point I am debating with my fight or flight instincts. My grip is loosening and I’m getting tired. This could go two ways I could sit here and pick a fight or I could pretend I’m about to let go and run.

I chose the latter. I yanked one arm. Not yet I couldn’t get loose. I tank a few more times. It takes a moment but finally I loosened their grip and ran back to the classroom. The rest of the day is a blur until after school that day when I finally told someone what happened. 

Fast forward. I’m not sure how soon or late it was that I was in a police station telling them what happened. It was strange because the officer kept asking me if I would be willing to do a lie detector test (of course I replied yes) and she said are you sure? I said yes that is fine. Well they never did so that and I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

My parents would ask me what exactly happened and I would keep it short and simple, nothing happened, I’m fine and I don’t wanna talk about it. 

Whenever friends or family ask that was my response for the past 9 years. Until recently I had forgotten the details of what happened until someone asked me about it. It was like I relived it again and realized just how lucky and blessed I was to be able to get a way without ensuring anything more than being touched unwillingly. 
I guess I made a near escape and it could have been worse. It would be years before I admitted to myself the danger that I was actually in and the effect that it would have on me. I was closed. I didn’t speak to anyone on the details until now. I managed to erase it from my mind and pretend that it wasn’t a big deal. 

But it was. It was a big deal because attempted molestation and rape is never okay. It is a big deal because I have both a daughter and a son who look up to me. It is a big deal because maybe there’s someone, some girl out there, or woman who could learn from my story. Even though I did get away people need to be held accountable for their actions. At that time I didn’t care about the consequences that they would face. I just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen so that’s what I did. I didn’t agree to testify in court or anything. I didn’t want to. 

Looking back on it I’m sure this was a set up. How would they both grab my arms and pull me in the restroom without first planning out what would happen. How would the other guys pants be down the moment I was pulled in the bathroom if it hadn’t been previously planned. At the time I didn’t realize it nor did I even think about it enough to realize it was a set up.  

Today I want to share my story because it is unfair that people don’t believe women the first time they say something happens. I also want to share because just because you’re strong and can fight and get away doesn’t mean there aren’t long term consequences that you’ll face. 
I hope that if you have been in this situation or similar ones that you will choose to hold your abuser accountable. Don’t be scared and don’t bottle it up inside either. Find someone you are comfortable speaking with. I know you don’t want to but it really is healthy. It shouldn’t have taken me 9 years to figure this out but it did. 
If nothing else I hope this inspires you to always do what’s right and to never be afraid to tell your truth and hold people accountable for their actions. You may be able to help the next person from being taken advantage of. 

As always much love. 


You Have More Power Than You Think 

When you eliminate limitations in your mind you set yourself up for the ultimate success and self fulfillment. The power in the human brain is unmatched. We only use 10% of our brain power. 

You have the power within you to do and be anything you want to be. If you believe in yourself you’re limitless, no matter who may doubt you, when you know deep inside of you that there is purpose and power then outward forces and opinions carry no weight.

On the other hand if you don’t believe in yourself and listen to people who are negative then you stand in the way of your own power, happiness and success. All the power you need is within you, even if you don’t want to admit it. Sometimes it’s hard for us to admit that we are in control because the moment we do that we have to start asking ourselves some serious questions. 

Cultivate the power within you. Feed it, nurture it, grow it. You’ll know it is at its prime when others thoughts about what you can and can’t do don’t effect you. You’ll also know because you’ll see bigger goals for yourself, bigger expectations. Things that seemed trivial or challenging before will now be doable to say the least. You will know that you can tackle on anything just because you are the powerful and you have it within you to do it. 

Sometimes it may seem like life has a hold of us. Finances, time, relationships. You have to turn these situations around and get back in control of your life. Maybe you cannot control the fact that your insurance company upped your premiums. What you can change is your reaction and your plan to get everything done and paid for moving forward. That is where the power is. 

Recognizing your power in a situation is the first step and it may take some getting use to if you have thought of yourself as powerless in the past. Once you recognize how to take control of a situation the rest is up to you. 

When you’re in an argument or disagreement you may show you have the most power by not responding to something that once angered or triggered you. 

Power comes in different forms and varies from person to person and situation to situation. 

One thing is for sure, you have all the power you need inside of you to control your life! 

I’m Vegan Now

I am becoming a vegan and you should too! 
Have you guys heard of that new Netflix documentary called “What the Health?” It is kind of buzzing right now and of course I had to watch it. Actually I came by it on accident and heard about it from a few coworkers. It’s about an hour and a half long and BEYOND interesting. If you know me, I LOVE documentaries. 
So it is about everything we eat and the effects that our food leaves on our body. It also talks about what actually causes cancer, heart disease and diabetes. This documentary is what inspired me to cut meat out of my life for good. It wasn’t too hard considering I had done away with red meat and pork a few months before my decision to become vegan. 
So what is a vegan? Vegans eat not animal product what so ever including dairy. The whole diet consists of plant based foods, legumes and beans. 
How did I start? I ate the same for the first few days excluding meat, eggs and dairy from my diet. Meat definitely was not the hard part. I have a harder time giving up eggs and ice cream. Then I sort of realized that I needed to do a little more research. Whenever I’m trying something new or starting a new project I do extensive research, meaning I google everything and watch YouTube videos. 
I found that I needed to incorporate certain foods or plants to my totally plant based diet. Veggies burgers, organic fruits and veggies, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, chia seeds and flax seeds all became apart of my grocery list. I also started going in the organic food isle (I had know idea this was a thing) and ended up falling in love with the all natural non-gmo cereals, tofu and beans. They even have veggie nuggets (my kids love these). 
I buy vanilla almond milk and snack on strawberries, bananas and blue berries. I add Chia seeds and Flax seeds to everything. Avacado is pretty useful too. The most important thing is seasoning and how you prepare it. The plant based diet doesn’t have to be boring. Especially since it will leave you healthier, stronger and feeling better. 
Why I did it? Health. My health, my children’s health, and health habits for generations to come. If my children grow up eating healthy they’ll teach their kids to do the same. Americans are so unhealthy because we’ve been taught that way, family barbecues, pizza night and eating what ever we want when we want just because we “can”. 
I buy and eat lots of rice, even before becoming vegan I loved rice. I add whatever veggies I want into the mix. It’s also fun to eat Taco Salad (without meat). Certain brands of cereal and energy bars are also helpful. It’s also a good idea to try different sauces to give your food flavor. 
If you’re thinking about becoming vegan you should! Do it on your own terms and do what’s best for you. Some people go cold turkey and for others it is a process and that’s okay. Don’t listen to the negativity, do some research and gather facts. Talk to a nutritionist. 

People may complain that it’s more expensive to buy organic, but when you’re dealing with what you eat and what sustains your health and wellness it’s always smart not to go for cheap and easy. There’s also the huge myth that you can’t get your nutrients from plants alone. Not only can you get all your nutrients from various plants you will start feeling better and eliminate the risk of serious illness like diabetes, cancer and heart disease. 

I mean, we are what we eat! 

Above all do what’s best for you and remember it is a process! Veganism isn’t something super easy to do. It takes a little more thought an research to prepare a meal. Cutting vegetables, making sure everything is seasoned right and having an understanding of what nutrients you need and where you can get them. It is definitely a learning process so don’t be too hard on yourself at first. You’ll get use to it. Soon you’ll be finding “go-to” meals and figuring out what foods work best for you. 

When Enough is Enough 

Have you ever been in a circumstance with a close friend or loved one who didn’t always treat you with respect? Perhaps they weren’t always truthful or even betrayed you in the past. Maybe the bad mouth you when you’re not around, or put you down when you are around. BUT, they’re your friend right? Your family, your significant other? Someone who isn’t supposed to do things like that to hurt you. 
You want to escape that sulky feeling right? You’re in their presence and you don’t know what exactly may spew out of their mouth this time or when the next verbal disagreement will be. Sometimes they may make you feel down or even have you rethinking your worth and abilities. 

When do you draw the line and say Enough is Enough? They’re your parent but they aren’t always parent like. Betrayal hurts, it hurts like hell because it always comes from those we love. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be as painful. There’s something extra wrong about a friend or family member doing wrong towards you versus a stranger. 
You hope in these people. You make excuse after excuse saying, “Oh she just had a bad day” or “maybe it is my fault”. Well I just wanna tell you that you deserve respect and honesty no matter who the relationship is with. You don’t deserve to be emotionally, physically or verbally abused by ANYONE but definitely not by people who you love and trust. 
I know what you’re thinking, “But he is my Dad!” 
“She’s my friend she doesn’t really mean it” 
It’s still hurts though doesn’t it? First of all you need to tell this person how you feel. You don’t have to be disrespectful, just let them know that you’re feelings are hurt or that you’re realizing the relationship or interactions you share are NOT healthy. 

Perhaps that doesn’t work. They keep up with the same old tricks. Manipulation, deceit, verbal or emotional abuse and maybe it gets even worse than that. 
Enough is enough when they first give you the sign that they won’t listen. They may tell you that you’re over reacting and need to calm down. 
Your mental health should always come first even if it is your own family destroying it. You deserve to be your best self, sane and happy. You may not even realize the damage done until you remove it and see how free you feel. You’ll always love them, always be respectful, but it’s more than okay to draw the line on communicating and even being around that person.
It’s gonna take some strength and courage but you can do it. You’ll be healthier this way. Just please always remember to ask yourself, “When is enough, enough? 

Why I Traced My Ancestry



I’m sure you’ve noticed the growing popularity in those DNA kits and tracing your history/ancestry. If not, all you have to do is google “DNA kits” and you’ll see an array of companies you can use for this process.

Some are skeptical. I get it, but if you go into the research and know anything about biology or DNA you’ll realize this is no scam or gimmick. Just like figuring out Paternal DNA you can get your DNA tested against different groups of people across the world to see if you have similar DNA as those groups of people. I’ve tried two of the DNA companies but eventually I plan on trying all of them because they offer different services.

So I’m here to share with you my experience results and reasons for why I love this fairly new technology and think it is sooo important.

Being African-American we don’t really know where we’re from. Africa, but that is about it. The questions that surrounded and filled up my thoughts were ones such as, what countries? What is the culture? What are these people like? I really wanted to connect with myself and have an understanding of who I am and what fundamentally makes ME. I’ve always been interested in Biology and genetics so this is right up my ally.

I used Family Tree DNA first and secondly I used

With Family Tree DNA I used a mtDNA test which is way more in depth than most and looks for a specific marker on your mitochondrial DNA which is only passed down by mothers. Everyone has it, but only women can pass it to the next generation.

When I got my first results back it traced my mtDNA to the L1B halo group. Which is the first group of people after “mitochondrial eve”. HOW COOL IS THAT? My lineage is around 180,000 years old on my mothers line in Central and Eastern Africa. Modern day countries such as Ethiopia and Kenya.

I wanted to also know the more recent parts of my ancestry too. The mtDNA tests the most ancient parts of your line and civilization.

The test I did with Ancestry DNA tested my recent genetic makeup percentages.


So I’m 78% African!!!! Woohoo! My top two African percentages are Cameroon/Congo and Ghana! I was ecstatic because I have been planning a trip to Ghana and felt as if I was Ghanaian.

There are also low trace regions on my DNA which just means these ancestors were further back, percentages and they’re not completely sure I share DNA with these peoples. Nigeria 18% (how cool is that?), Benin/Togo 4% Mali 3% as well as Africa North. Senegal, Africa South Eastern Bantu and South Central Hunter Gatherers are all lower regions. My DNA from those places isn’t recent enough for a higher number.

Next region. 21% European? I knew I had European in me just didn’t realize which countries. I happen to be 12% Irish (What?) 4% British, 3% Italian (I love Italian food) and 1% or less Europe West and Iberian Peninsula. I thought I would be more British and I had no idea about Irish. (How could I anyway?)

How awesome is all of that? I just love how much of a mixture I have in my DNA. Not to mention that 1% or less Middle Eastern popped up on there too. That was a shocker!

Why does all this matter?

It isn’t only important for African Americans to know their roots, everyone else should as well. Even if you know your family is Irish or Mexican, whatever the case you may get a surprise and find something you didn’t know. America is the melting pot of the world but our own uniqueness and differences matter and make us valuable individuals who bring different cultures and experiences to the table.

I’m especially proud to be from these African regions and belong to one of the oldest halo groups. At least I know my genes will be passed on for another 100,000 years (haha). Assuming we don’t wipe out humanity before then. I loved this experience and what it taught me. Considering my European DNA didn’t get there by choice I’m not as happy about it, but it is still apart of me which I acknowledge and learn from.

Remember if you don’t know who you are and where you came from how can you know where you’re going?

If you’ve ever considered doing one of these you should! Don’t be scared or nervous. Especially if you have no idea where your ancestors were from (like me). We should embrace our individuality and encourage others to do the same.

For more in depth information test your mom, dad, siblings and grand parents or even cousins. We get all different kinds of genes at conception you never know who got what!

Why Loving Yourself Can Save Your Love Life

Life Writes with Tiffany


I’m sure you’ve heard how important it is to love yourself before getting into a relationship. What exactly does that mean? How do we do it? What are the benefits of knowing how to properly love yourself?

Relationships are nothing short of tricky and challenging at times. Given you’re with a good person who you accept you would probably flourish. There is nothing like LOVING yourself to secure that any relationship you have won’t be a waste of time.

Few Reasons To Learn To Love You Before Getting Serious

1. Standards, Morals and boundaries
2. Self Fulfillment
3. Confidence & Stability are attractive
4. Healthy Relationship

Standards. When you love and respect yourself you ultimately lay out standards and boundaries in a relationship. You don’t have to be too high maintenance to set out how you would want to be respected and treated in a relationship. This is definitely…

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